From my journals one year ago. Tamed for publishing. Redacted for your conscience.
Journal Entry: Embracing Faith Amidst Doubt – A Personal Reflection Part 2. April 2, 2023
As I sit to pen down my reflections, it strikes me that my spiritual journey is deeply intertwined with the enduring narrative of faith and doubt—a narrative not just of my own making but one that echoes the biblical promises of GOD throughout the ages. It’s a path marked by intersections of belief and unbelief, each challenging me to look beyond the visible, to the eternal promises of GOD that have withstood the test of time.
In moments of quiet contemplation, I am reminded of the power of GOD, as vividly displayed in the majesty of creation and the intricate details of life. Romans 1:20 (ESV) resonates deeply, “For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.” This verse encapsulates the evidence of GOD’s omnipotence and His intimate involvement in the world He has crafted—a testament to faith that seeks to transcend the shadows of doubt.
My spiritual odyssey mirrors the biblical figures who, despite their doubts, were steadfast in their faith, buoyed by GOD’s unfailing promises. Hebrews 11:1 (ESV) offers a profound definition of faith: “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” This assurance does not emerge from ignorance but from a firm conviction in the reliability of GOD’s word and His immutable nature.
The epistles serve as a balm to my soul, addressing the early Church’s and, by extension, my own struggles with maintaining faith in a world fraught with uncertainty. “Look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal,” Paul advises in 2 Corinthians 4:18 (ESV). This counsel to shift focus from the ephemeral to the eternal aids in realigning my perspective towards the everlasting nature of GOD’s kingdom.
Ephesians 3:20-21 (ESV) is a declaration of GOD’s limitless power and His profound work within us, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” This passage not only acknowledges GOD’s omnipotence but also celebrates His ongoing work in our lives, molding our doubts into a deeper, more resilient faith.
The dichotomy of spirit and flesh, as depicted in Romans 7:25 (ESV), presents a vivid picture of the internal battle that rages within. Yet, it is through this struggle that the grace of GOD and the transformative power of the Holy Spirit shine brightest, offering both comfort and challenge as I navigate the complex terrain of belief and unbelief.
James 1:17 (ESV) reassures us of GOD’s consistent nature, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” In the fluctuating tides of life, this promise stands as a beacon of hope, a reminder of the unchanging character of GOD amidst our changing circumstances.
This journal entry, then, is more than a mere record of personal musings; it is a testament to the journey of faith—a journey characterized by the interplay of doubt and belief, undergirded by the timeless promises of GOD. As I traverse this path, I am continually reminded that my faith, though refined by fire, is anchored in the unwavering truth of GOD’s Word, His power, and His promises. It is a faith that, despite the questions and challenges, finds its fulfillment in the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Journal Entry: Embracing Faith Amidst Doubt – A Personal Reflection Part 1. April 1, 2023
In the quiet moments of introspection that punctuate my journey, I confront a recurring tempest within—self-reproach for the doubts that cloud my heart. This self-condemnation stems from an inner conflict, a chasm between the intellect’s assertions of faith and the heart’s moments of uncertainty. There exists within me a profound sense of frustration, a disquiet born of my inability to fully vanquish doubt, leading me, at times, to harbor feelings of self-loathing for this perceived spiritual shortfall.
Yet, in the depths of this struggle, I’ve come to a pivotal realization: faith, in its essence, cannot exist without the presence of doubt. It is within the fertile ground of uncertainty that faith takes root and grows, not in spite of doubt, but because of it. This duality is not a defect of belief but a defining characteristic of a genuine, living faith. It’s a paradox that both challenges and deepens my understanding of what it means to believe.
The journey through Scripture reinforces this notion, showcasing figures of profound faith who also wrestled with doubt. Their stories are not marked by unwavering certainty but by a dynamic relationship with GOD, characterized by questions, fears, and ultimately, trust. It is this biblical narrative that offers me solace, reminding me that my doubts do not disqualify me from the embrace of GOD; rather, they are integral to the fabric of my faith.
Embracing this reality has led me to a place of supernatural resolve, a state of peace amid the storm of self-recrimination. It is here, in this place of surrender, that I encounter the profound truth of GOD’s nature: GOD is, GOD does, and that is enough. This simple yet profound acknowledgment becomes my mantra, a source of strength that transcends the need for empirical proof or unassailable certainty.
This resolve does not negate the presence of doubt but places it within the broader context of my relationship with GOD. It allows me to see doubt not as a failure but as a step on the path to deeper understanding and trust. The knowledge that GOD is—immutable, omnipotent, and ever-present—becomes the cornerstone of my faith. The recognition that GOD does—acts in history, in creation, and in my life—fuels my confidence in His promises and His character.
In this realization, I find freedom from the shackles of self-hatred and a renewed sense of purpose in my spiritual journey. It is a journey not defined by the absence of doubt but marked by the continual return to the fundamental truths of my faith. The supernatural resolve to know that GOD is, GOD does, and that this knowledge is sufficient, transforms my perspective, guiding me from a place of inner turmoil to a space of grace and acceptance.
Thus, I relinquish the notion that faith must be devoid of doubt, embracing instead the dynamic interplay between belief and unbelief as a testament to the complexity and beauty of a life lived in pursuit of the divine. In this acceptance, I discover not only the capacity for a deeper faith but also a profound sense of peace in the acknowledgment that, despite my doubts, the reality of GOD’s presence and action is the only assurance I need.