You are probably not a narcissist.

Narcissism: A Theological Perspective

“That person is just a narcissist.”

I hear this constantly in counseling. I often hear many people’s self-confession of being a narcissist. In 2022, I sought out psychiatric care with this in mind, “I am a narcissist, and I’m not sure that I am worthy of human interaction.” I was wrong on both counts.

Narcissism, as understood psychologically, is not merely an extreme condition but a reflection of the inherent selfishness present in all humans. Traits of narcissism, such as entitlement, lack of empathy, and an insatiable need for admiration and validation, are universally relatable because they spring from our innate self-centeredness. Imagine looking into a mirror and seeing your best and worst parts. This duality is where the everyday struggle with narcissistic traits lies. However, it’s crucial to distinguish between everyday selfish behaviors and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a clinically significant condition characterized by pervasive patterns of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. While everyone may exhibit moments of entitlement, those with NPD have these traits deeply ingrained and significantly impairing their lives and relationships.

Let’s just be real. People are all selfish to a degree.

Consider the narrative of Lucifer’s fall in Isaiah 14:12-15. Lucifer’s pride led him to aspire to be like God, saying in his heart, “I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God, I will set my throne on high.” This passage encapsulates the essence of selfish pride. Lucifer’s downfall is a potent reminder of the destructive power of self-exaltation. The lure of wanting to elevate oneself above others, even above God, is a core aspect of narcissistic behavior. The Scripture starkly warns against this path, illustrating the inevitable downfall that pride brings.

In Genesis 3:1-7, the serpent’s temptation of Eve represents another profound instance of narcissistic tendencies. The promise, “You will be like God, knowing good and evil,” appealed directly to Eve’s sense of self-importance and desire for autonomy. Imagine the weight of that moment, the shift from divine dependence to self-reliance. The Fall showcases how pursuing self-glorification can lead to profound spiritual and relational ruptures, setting the stage for humanity’s ongoing struggle with pride and self-centeredness.

The New Testament offers further insight into the destructive nature of narcissism. Paul’s warning in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 about the characteristics of people in the last days—“lovers of themselves, lovers of money, proud, arrogant”—resonates deeply. These traits, synonymous with narcissism, are portrayed as antithetical to godly living. The emphasis on self-love over God-love points to a fundamental misalignment of priorities. Paul’s admonition is a timeless call to examine and realign our hearts toward humility and selflessness.

Pride versus humility is a recurring theme throughout Scripture. Proverbs 16:18 warns, “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Imagine pride as a towering skyscraper built on shaky ground, destined to crumble. Humility, conversely, is the solid foundation upon which godly character is built. James 4:6 echoes this, stating, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” This dichotomy between pride and humility is not just a moral stance but a spiritual imperative. Living a humble life is aligned with divine favor and protection, while pride sets one toward inevitable downfall.

Self-centeredness versus Christ-centeredness is another critical theme. Jesus’ call in Matthew 16:24-26 for His followers to deny themselves and take up their cross is a direct challenge to narcissistic tendencies. Imagine the cross as a symbol of ultimate self-denial and sacrificial love. Christ-centeredness redirects our focus from self-glorification to self-giving, transforming our relationships and purpose. Paul’s declaration in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me,” epitomizes this shift from self-centered living to a life that finds its identity and purpose in Christ.

Narcissism undermines empathy, leading to relational brokenness. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 describes love as patient and kind, not envious or boastful, not arrogant or rude. Consider love the antithesis of narcissism, a force that binds and heals. The absence of empathy erodes trust and intimacy, creating isolation. Philippians 2:3-4 urges believers to “do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” This call to prioritize others’ needs over our own is a direct counter to the narcissistic mindset, fostering community and mutual care. Growing in compassion is the antidote.

Theological Implications

Imagine narcissism as a mirror reflecting the sinful nature within us. Romans 3:23 declares, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Narcissism is a manifestation of this sinful nature, elevating self above God and others. Recognizing this helps us understand the depth of our need for redemption and transformation through Christ. Our sinful nature inclines us towards self-exaltation, making the journey toward humility and Christ-likeness a continual process of sanctification.

Narcissism, as idolatry, places the self at the center of worship. Exodus 20:3-4 warns against having other gods before the true God, including the idol of self. Imagine idolatry as a distortion of prayer, where what is created seeks to replace the Creator. This self-idolatry disrupts the intended image of creation, leading to spiritual and relational dysfunction, and recognizing narcissism as idolatry shifts the focus from merely correcting behavior to addressing the heart’s allegiance and worship.

Relational brokenness resulting from narcissism is profound.

Proverbs 11:2 states, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” Relationships suffer when narcissism prevails, as genuine connection requires empathy and humility. The call to humility and selflessness in relationships is a call to restoration and reconciliation. Imagine relationships as mirrors reflecting God’s love and grace, fractured by pride but healed through humility and sacrificial love.

Practical Applications for Ministry and Personal Growth

Pastoral care and counseling must address narcissism with both compassion and truth. Galatians 6:1 advises, “Brothers if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.” Imagine counseling as a gentle but firm guide leading toward self-awareness and repentance. Effective pastoral care involves helping individuals see their need for God’s grace and guiding them toward a humble, Christ-centered life.

Accountability and discipleship are vital in combating narcissism. James 5:16 encourages believers to “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Imagine a community where transparency and mutual support are the norm. Accountability relationships foster spiritual growth and self-awareness, helping individuals to recognize and address narcissistic tendencies. Discipleship, centered on Christ’s teachings, redirects focus from self to service, cultivating humility and love.

Preaching and teaching should emphasize humility, self-denial, and Christ-likeness. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to “speak the truth in love,” growing into maturity in Christ. Consider sermons and Bible studies as tools to shape hearts and minds towards godliness. Highlighting biblical examples of humility and the dangers of pride provides a clear contrast and a path toward Christ-centered living. Teaching the community to prioritize love and service over self-glorification aligns with the heart of the Gospel.

Personal reflection and repentance are crucial for addressing narcissism. 2 Corinthians 13:5 urges, “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith.” Imagine self-examination as a mirror reflecting our true spiritual state. Regular reflection on one’s attitudes and behaviors, coupled with a renewed mind, fosters spiritual growth. Spiritual disciplines such as prayer, fasting, and service cultivate humility and dependence on God, transforming narcissistic tendencies into Christ-like character.

Best Practices for Empathy and Mindfulness

Empathy

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others, fostering genuine connections and compassionate relationships. To practice empathy, actively listen without judgment, seek to understand perspectives different from your own, and respond with kindness and support. Imagine the transformative power of empathy as it breaks down barriers and builds bridges of understanding as a person begins to embrace compassion. People can learn to be kind, even though the world tells them otherwise.

• Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” This verse calls us to share in the emotions of others, embodying empathy in our relationships.
• Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Tenderheartedness is at the core of empathy, reflecting God’s compassion through our interactions.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and aware of the moment, cultivating an attentive and non-judgmental stance towards one’s thoughts and surroundings. To practice mindfulness, take moments throughout the day to pause, breathe deeply, and focus on the present without distraction. Imagine mindfulness as a way to center yourself in God’s presence, aligning your thoughts and actions with His will. I spoke about this in my sermon a few weeks ago. It shakes some people to consider doing something with their minds, yet we do it with our bodies and thoughts all the time.

• Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” This encourages a mindful focus on virtuous and godly thoughts.
• Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Stillness before God is a profound practice of mindfulness, reminding us of His sovereignty and our place in His creation.

So, the matter of selfishness or conceit is one that can be approached with prayerful consideration. Even a Narcissist can change. The gospel can empower us to see ourselves in the light of humility. And yes, Christians need mental health care because mental health issues are real; the care given is needed and established by God. I had something to say about that here.