In a world of verbosity and noise, it appears that the best part of too much is to take in less. “Too Long; Didn’t Read”
This isn’t a good thing. It’s a symptom of overload.
Don’t get me wrong. We have to be discriminating in our absorption of information or we will waste a large portion of our lives on fruitless data. When investing in real-life relationships, there is something terrifying about the tl;dr ideology.
There is a need to dive deep, listen long, and take the extra mile with others. Intimacy and true life togetherness only come from longevity, without which, superficial connections can leave marriages, parent-child relationships, and friendships hanging by a thread.
This idea is not new, but it seems to be forgotten or misplaced in our culture thrives on noise and not getting too deep below the surface. Sometimes I envision the average person as one of those lizards that can run on the top of the water, knowing if they stop they’ll sink. If we run fast enough, ignoring everything, we can make it to the other side.
What is the other side? Who’s there? And will they care to listen to who we are?
Future generations of ‘self-help’ will surely be focusing on unplugging our social lives and getting into the depths of truly knowing someone else. Here are a few thoughts to get us thinking about how this could be accomplished.
Take Time and Make it Happen
I get it. Life is busy. Time is precious and stress is hard.
Do you know what is even more stressful? When the people who know you the most begin to forget the depths of who you are and vice versa. Schedule a time/day each week to set aside time to talk, enjoy the time, be romantic, be intimate, play, or just look at someone you love. Read a book together, play a game, share a story… but make it a priority. Put it on the calendar until it becomes a pulling force in your life and COMMUNICATE the importance.
Have a Deeper Interest in Others
Tabloids have forever fed the disastrous need for gossip. But having a deeper interest in the lives of your partner, friends, or family is not about getting the scoop, it’s about truly caring and desiring a real relationship. We ought to look after our own interests and needs and we do well to avoid self-neglect. At the same time, we ought to look after the needs and interests of others. Not everyone, but those that matter in our lives.
Ask deep questions about those important to you. Discover what you really know about them. Then ask them, wait, and listen. You’ll be amazed at how close you become by sharing life like this. This could make TL;DR mean something altogether different.
Focus on Play and Passion
When together, we often have to deal with difficult things, but we can’t let that be our only depth. As a matter of fact, it is best to leave that to another time, a scheduled outlier that is often shorter until necessary. When we spend time together with those close to us, it is profitable to focus on enjoying life together with entertaining and fun things that lead to greater passions and closeness.
Answer the questions, “What can we do for fun? How can I share this amazing thing with someone else?” Then notice who you’re spending time with and who you’re trying to avoid. If the relationship of the latter is vital, rearrange the focus. There is no room for tl;dr in love.
Develop a Culture of Intimacy
This is a huge ask and honestly, I’m working on how this looks for myself. I believe that every step we take, every moment that we give in thought and dedication to significant relationships will help us develop this culture around us. Not only will it grow us closer to others, but it will also defend us from the encroachment of the superficial that so easily rob us of good and true bonds that endure. Practicing this will inevitably transfer to the lives of those around us.
And that’s a good thing.
Understand the TL;DR Ideology Destroys Significant Relationship
Looking through a different lens can help guide us to new ideas and outcomes. Let’s see if we can make some adjustments to this shorthand in a positive sense for the marriages or romantic relationships in the room
TL;DR for Love
TL;DR – Take Love, Delve & Reflect: This represents the idea of taking the time to truly love your partner by delving deeper into their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and reflecting on how you can strengthen your bond with them. It emphasizes the importance of being fully present and engaged in the moment with your loved one.
TL;DR – Time, Listen, Deepen Relationships: This represents the idea of spending quality time with your loved one, actively listening to them, and deepening your relationship through communication and understanding.
TL;DR – Tender Loving Dialogue Required: This represents the importance of having open and honest conversations with your loved one, being tender and caring in your approach, and showing your love through your words and actions.
TL;DR – Together, Listen, Discover, Romance: This represents the idea of spending time together, actively listening to each other, discovering new things about each other, and adding a touch of romance to your relationship.
TL;DR – True Love Demands Respect: This represents the idea that true love involves respecting your partner, listening to their needs and desires, and showing them that you value them as a person.
Laugh, Learn, Love, and Live
I thought I coined this little phrase over a decade ago when contemplating simple ways to express life together. I didn’t, I just came up with what many had already thought for centuries. Life works like that sometimes. We discover what is already there and in relationships, especially marriage, we can discover a deeper love than we ever thought possible when we are intentional and attentive to the relationship.
So the next time you have the tl;dr sigh when your loved ones are tugging at your coattails. Communicate clearly your needs, take time to schedule togetherness, be present and interested, enjoy the time and have fun, and know that you’ll be developing a culture of intimacy that will never fail.
Hmmmmm. I hate myself sometimes because my head gets ahead of my writing… I wanted to talk about communication… but I guess we’ll have to schedule another time for that one.
(something interesting that came to mind is how quickly we access everything. listening to music in my youth required a plan, a stack of vinyl, and delicate operation of the turntable. there is something to this idea of how easy it is to placate to the now without actually wanting to be present or embodied in it.)