You Need to Be Alone, Sometimes…

In my line of work I am connected with a lot of people from many walks of life – all the time.

This is an unfinished essay… on purpose. You’ll feel it.

During a very trying season a good friend said to me, “James, the good news is that we get to work with people, but the bad news is that we get to work with people.” Human connection is a basic need. But when that connection brings trauma and pain, it can feel more like a curse, than a blessing.

While it is good and profitable to invest in the lives of others, we are not required to constantly be on task at the whims of others. It should also be said that ministry meets needs, but that not every need can be met by every person. I admit that for a long time I felt as though I had to have all the answers and expertise for anyone under my care. That is nonsense and completely silly, much more, unbiblical. Individually we would do well to mitigate the noise of ’needs’ and make sure that we follow the example of Christ by seeking solitude.

Many times Jesus chose to avoid people for various reasons.

ONE: Jesus avoided the crowds after his public baptism because He needed to be tempted, pray, and fast in preparation for His purpose; to be the lamb of God for His people. Sometimes in order to be successful in the call of God, we must forgo the cultural pressure to be an on-call people pleaser. Those around us who feel neglected because a particular person or persons are not giving them what they need are better off not receiving anything.

TWO: When Jesus healed the paralytic man in Bethesda He vanished because the crowd was great. Jesus had no intention of providing healing for people as the point of his ministry. He performed this miracle by His power in order to prepare His enemies against Him. By having this man healed by the power of God, then being commanded to violate the sabbath law by taking up his blanket, the Pharisees wanted Jesus in custody. Jesus avoided people because the larger group interfered with His purpose at times.

LIkewise, we are not called to be a window attendant for ministry lines. Some people must recieve what we can give and in order to secure that ministry for them, we must refuse ministry to others, even in the local church. That is another reason why the body is a covenant collective, not a disbursed delegation. What one cannot do, another can.

THREE: IN Matthew 14, Jesus learned that John had been beheaded by Herrod. This caused Him great sorrow and He withdrew from public life during that season of sorrow. Many times in my life I have been expected to be present for the sake of ”image” rather than to be allowed to grieve over the pending death of a loved one. During Covid, I lost six family members, dozens of friends, and countless more associates and ministry partners from around the county. The total loss exceed 130 people in 18 months. Some people considered this trivial quoting ”God’s Sovereignty” as an excuse to be put-off by the need for grieving. These people are no longer my concern. Take time out to grieve and dismiss the not-so-spiritual people who like to afford you a rebuke in the midst of it. Jesus dismissed those people too, they were the Pharisees. We are not obligated to minister to those who are entitled in their own minds to their opinions, the lives of others, or their own needs.

FOUR: When Jesus was tired in His mind and body He took time out and rested. He got away and recharged. From 1996 to 2012, my family had not gone on even one vacation. We reserved the time allocated for such for ministry travel or to visit family as needed. It wasn’t until a brother in the church insisted that we considered the biblical idea of Jesus getting away. Now Jesus didn’t vacation, but He did dismiss the cultural mandate to ”be on call” in order to take care of His own mind and body. To neglect our health is to neglect our ministry to others, especially our mental health. Jesus told the disciples to escape the crowds and stop teaching in Mark 6 so that they could rest, eat, and have time to heal. I love it when people claim to be psychic and tell me that I have time to do what I do not have time to do. It’s amazing how silly and foolish people can be. Take time out. It is not wrong.

FIVE: There are people who believe that when a person experiences distress it is because of some bad thing they have done. This is silly. Jesus experienced distress over the reality of facing death. In Luke’s gospel Jesus is recorded praying the garden right before His arrest. He is in agony mentally. He was in distress spiritually. Remember, Jesus, sinless as He is, was human in the garden. When this took place, Jesus was alone. He left His closest friends to keep watch and they went to sleep.

When we are in distress it is not a problem. It is naturally human. So, being in distress or depression is a time when we need to withdraw to prayer and help, putting the constant draw of others on the back burner while we heal and face the distress.

PRAYER: We will see that in all these examples Jesus escaped to pray, holding fast to the Father’s promises. Likewise, we should establish the same discipline as we also (hope you see the undercurrent) set firm and healthy boundaries in our lives as believers. In the gospels we see Jesus praying in order to seek wisdom before doing anything, especially as it relates to His choosing of the 12 and His plans for ministry journeys. We would do well to embrace this patient spiritual dependence on the Lord.

Now, these examples of solitude are temporary and cyclical. At no time is isolation healthy and even when we take time out to heal, rest, pray, refresh, or prepare we are simultaneously interdependent and these moments of being alone will help equip and empower us to be around people and meet needs according to Scripture. Yet, we are not obligated to those who refuse to understand these needs and worse, make these needs a sign of spiritual problems.

I have a lifetime of learning on this area as well as a lifetime of scars. Thankfully, the scars often hold me tighter for the joy of new and fruitful intimacy with God’s people. Amen.

What do you do to get alone? What things cause you to want to isolate? Do you find yourself avoiding people on purpose as a productive part of your discipline or as a reactionary safety net?