No more… no life… (journal 10/23/22)

Journal 10/23/22

Each evening I fear the pain of dawn.
Each morning I fear the pain; alone.
Each day I fear the pain of hurting. Deep, present, deserving.
Each breath is but a vapor, each thought a passing glance.
Each moment another staple in a life that has no chance.

Joy is not the answer.
Happiness cannot be found.
Mindfulness is never closer.
Despair the nature of the ground.

Looking into darkness with nothing else to see
but the hopes and dreams and senseless battles,
will there ever be reprieve?

No more longing, no more planning, no more desperation here.
There is nothing—no fear or sadness, no smile or anguish, not a tear.

This, a dead man walking. Alive to those who see…
he’s standing, smiling, but he’s choking,
with no breath, no life, no means.

James Tippins – a poem