People seem to talk to me above anyone else. It’s true. If 100 people are in a parking lot, people will see me, and walk past sixty more, just to ask me a question.
Just the other day in the midst of a rain storm, I noticed when I crossed the parking lot that someone had their hood up and was frantically seeking assistance. After gathering my items and checking out, I could see them now outside, the rain subsided, just standing there about sixty feet from the door of the Walgreens. As I walked out among a dozen other shoppers entering and exiting, the gentleman yells, “Hey sir, can you help us? Do you have any jumper cables?” Of course, I did, and a jump box to boot. We got them on their way with a little gas money. But why wait for me, why not ask all the others?
Sometimes I get really involved in thought and just stare into space. My best place to think is outside or in my study where I can gaze into the sky. But sometimes I will find myself lost in an internal dialog that has been interrupted by the occasional, “What are you looking at?” Now in my 20’s, this was often met with resistance. Now, I just smile and say, no, I was spaced out. No matter, that person then spends whatever amount of time they have told me something about which I never inquired. Often, a deep problem or some time of issue.
Pumping gas in San Francisco seems like an ordinary task until a person comes out of the blue, “Can I ask you something?” I awkwardly respond, “You just did! So sure.” They go on to ask about my thoughts concerning social issues related to families and how the economy is going and what I think they should do about their current job situation. My response was, “What is your name?” Then, “I have no idea what to say, I’m sorry.”
At a Denny’s in Dallas once a person came to the table and said, “You remind me of my cousin from back home.” “That’s nice”, I replied. “Do you know them?” they asked. Then a few minutes more and I had a backstory, then an inquiry. Then more investments in intimate needs and counsel.
One of the oddest encounters was at a Shoney’s in Savannah when the waitress pulled up a backward chair to the table, took off her bonnet, and said, “Will the two of you take my children?” I am not making this up. No matter what we said, this woman insisted that we would be better parents for her kids than she was. Our only conversation with her was about our drink order and that we wanted to breakfast buffet. She left crying and dejected that we refused.
I have hundreds of journal entries of related stories. And honestly, I have spent time talking to folks when they engage. I rarely ever refuse except where I think my life could be in danger or nefarious motives are at play, which is rare. Not only do people come up to me to talk, but I am often in the presence of catastrophe and am inadvertently caught in the midst of mediating serious matters.
Such an event took place in San Lorenzo. I was leaving the In-N-Out burger after picking up some ammo at Big5 on Hesperian when I decided to mozy through the Walmart parking lot (yes for some reason) when I saw this woman screaming and yelling at the entrance, “She took my baby! They took my baby!” I tried to speak with her to get some details but all I could deduce is that “they”, the young people walking quickly in two directions, took something from her. Her crying over Cantonese/English didn’t help me in deciphering. “Did they take your baby?”, “No, my money! $3000 cash from my buggy!” So, I go, call 911 in the process, and keep my distance. Watching where these people were walking, was a party of four young students. They didn’t get far. I drove up to them, got out of the car, retraced their steps, and discovered a trashcan outside the corner, and therein was the woman’s purse and all her money. That conversation went differently. I urged these kids to come clean.
Cops arrive. Things got ugly. Kids arrested. Video proves they took it and tossed it. Had my day in court as a witness, I assumed. Never heard anything. The woman was pleased and tried to pay me, I refused. Had I not followed those kids and noticed their direction, she would have never gotten her money back. The whole thing took six minutes.
I can recall the tells of countless travelers, homeless, professionals, and the like. I’m not sure why I easily engage with other people and why they find me easy to approach. But I will say that while these events are numerous, they are nothing in comparison to the day-to-day conversations that I have with people. Maybe it’s a short text exchange, or a message, an email, a quick call, or a long “kitchen time” discussion. (get to that in later posts). They all make a difference.
We are not responsible for walking the walk for other people but we have a constant opportunity to invest in the lives of others with our words and ears. Listening is just as important as talking, for without listening, we often aren’t saying anything at all.
So, take note of the times you have with other people. Take care to make sure the talk is productive, two-way, and engaging. No matter the topic, no matter the occasion, we can learn and grow as people just by being around other people. Don’t take for granted the small notion of kindness or the ear of compassion that you lend to others. Does it not feed you when you receive it? The depths of influence are not mined with unlimited time, but with intentional intimacy. And that can spark at a moment’s notice, let it burn and live.
So what are you always wishing to say? Look for opportunities to engage in conversations about what people are passionate about. If you listen, they’ll listen back. And in some instances, you might find a true friend who shares your passions.
Who knows, some of these conversations may have a life-long impact and eternal rewards!
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