Imagine a world where you never had a need.
I cannot imagine such a thing, because at the end of my pondering, I still “need” more. I just made a cup of coffee and realized the supply was low. I need more. I started the dishwasher and the rinse agent light came on. I need more. I flipped on the light in the dining room (we are renovating Robyn’s study so everything has relocated to the dining room) and one of the bulbs was out. I need more. (I also have to get the 12-foot ladder for my Pre-Century ceilings. So, no matter how content I am, I need more.
As I walked back into my stainless-clad kitchen full of messiness from a Sunday evening time with the kids, I thought, “When this house was built there was nothing in here but the wood stove and they never had to change light bulbs. They didn’t need any of this stuff.” This is not a new idea but I have been talking a great deal with my wife about what I need and she’s been showing me that these “needs” are really more about what I want. Isn’t that funny? We take our desires and turn them into needs so they are justified in our minds. We do this often without even realizing it.
So what do I need?
If I get to brass tacks, I really don’t need anything for survival that I don’t already have. I think I need a standard of aesthetics, polish, and quality (nothing wrong with these things). But to need something insists on its necessity for life. I’m not writing to change my mind or yours about how we process needs and desires in that “necessity is the mother of invention”, some things that were not needed are certainly needed now. I am learning that when I tell myself I need something it causes fear. Not the horrifying, “I’m about to die” type of fear, but a low-level uncertainty or feeling of incompleteness in my mind. It’s really something that I can’t put my finger on at times and often, I don’t even realize it’s there. But it is there.
Part of being at rest includes understanding how we think and process things. Years ago I took a week-long class on ‘thinking’ where the facilitator brought about the process of psychology. He posited that words produce thoughts and those thoughts create feelings that lead to actions. And for the most part, this is right. The Bible teaches its students to not be anxious and to be content. This is a tall order. If we spend enough time trying to live this out, we will find ourselves more anxious and less content with our ability to be content. Sounds like Groundhog Day for emotions.
Every Sunday, I do what is called a brain dump. I’ll write more about that this week. This is where I take out a pen and paper and just write down everything on my mind. Every task, every detail. Want a peek from yesterday?
Dust on the baseboards in den, contact Royal about warranty, check on dentist appointment for Wed, when is the next vet visit, add prayer needs to book, take goodwill items, outlining ideas for writing, send book to editor, stain on rug in dining room, set chairs for kung fu, move grill, outline primary headings for next series, move stack of books to sort, take down shelf in study, follow up a university…, set doctor appointment for next week, inquire on midweek meeting, set mentoring schedule for Friday, pick up dry cleaning, order filters, update kids PC, call: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8… for followup by Tuesday, clean out garage, list furniture on marketplace, sort course books… and this is just the to-do section.
The brain dump also puts my thoughts and feelings about things. Things I want to think about, discuss, discover, and discard. I test systems and strategies every day until I see that they do not work, then move to another option. The list can be several pages long, then I sort them into two piles: I CAN DO | I CANNOT DO. That cannot do list is long. I keep a running composition and it’s getting longer every week. These are things, some of which I think I need, that are outside of my ability to accomplish. So, I leave that list in a book.
The next sorting is NOW | CAN WAIT. This is self-explanatory. Deadlines require attention, especially when they concern the well-being of other people. The next sorting is just time management. This process is done every Sunday sets my week and establishes boundaries in my own mind to realize what I need to do vs. what I want to do. When I don’t accomplish my “needs” I feel double failed, when I have to reorganize my “wants”, I am in better control.
Sometimes the things I NEED are unable to be accomplished because they require the cooperation of other people. As I do my part in these things, I place a status of WAIT and then my To-do on that matter is just to follow up in my mind or reach out for progress. When I do this, I place the “need” on the person who has the responsibility and the ability to accomplish it.
Now that your brain is in distress from reading this, let me say that it is much simpler than it sounds. Sorting my needs and wants truly gives my brain the freedom to work around the schedule and not be tempted to spend time on things that are destructive or dead. Feeding a dead horse is doubly wasteful, especially when you and your gifts are the food.
A wonderful mentor told me over ten years ago, “James, don’t spend so much time on things that you can’t change. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Focus your time where it is needed.”
I can tell you this. Not only is the wholly healthy and wholly reasonable, but it’s also holly biblical for those who model their lives after Scripture. While we are to carry the load for other people, there is an expectation that we do so in order to equip them quickly to stand up and get going. I spend my time with people who want to stand up and get going. I know what I CAN DO and what I NEED TO DO. I also know what I WANT TO DO. It’s the intersection of these things that are most productive.
There is great freedom in saying, “I don’t have to do that and I don’t need to do that, but I want to do that, so I am going to do that.” What are you going to do? We do need things, but I am willing to bet that we don’t NEED everything that we consider a need.
Ramblings over.
Do I “need” to hear from you? You tell me.